"Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you."

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else."

"Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people."

"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket."

"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men."

"When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done."

"The way to final freedom is within thy self."

"Sorry for the disaster. And thanks for your patience!"

"Life is not all golf."

"If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the absence of fever, then I will never know happiness. For I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience, and creation."

"IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity."

"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other."