"The prostitute is the only honest woman left in America."

"If you are prepared, then you are able to feel confident."

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."

"What we are doing at the moment is more that just one thing added to the rest; it is a memoir."

"All we have of freedom -- all we use or know -- This our fathers bought for us, long and long ago."

"Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses."

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead."

"Ya know, if you treated every comic the way you treated me tonight. You would never see a bad show."

"Vitaque mancipio nulli datur, omnibus usu. ( Life isn't given to anyone, but just given on loan to everyone"

"The first casualty when war comes is truth."

"How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success?"

"If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend."